Hey, Man -- What the hell happened to you?

Posted: Friday, June 22, 2012 by Matt Xell in

That's a good question.

And I don't even know where to begin ...

But I guess picking up where we left off would be a good place to start.

I'd just concluded the Tower of Parlen Min Virtual Book Tour, something I'd worked extremely hard to pull off and was very proud of. Coupled with the Kindle Nation Daily: E-Book of the day promo, I'd done the best that I could at that particular moment in time to get the word out for my book ...

I was moving on to an even bigger project (the Tower of Parlen Min: Chapter Commentaries) when it happened ...

Shortly after I quit my day-job in january, I had a NERVOUS BREAKDOWN ... at least I think I did.

That's right ... you read that right -- I literally lost it.

Of course, I didn't go all psychotic and stuff  -- no yelling or screaming, no flipping of tables (though I would've liked to), and definitely no columbine shootings ... I just shut down from everyone and everything around me.

So what caused this mental shutdown? A lot of things ... Producing the video commentaries became such a stressful nightmare that I decided to shutdown the project. One of my editors, Megan, sent me a screenshot of  my 'less than okay-ish' book sales over the past 3 months. I gave up on this one girl named Alesi and I think I broke her heart. After working hard for 'The Man' for almost two years, all I had in my savings was a 2000 bucks to my name. My mom, God bless her soul, would not stop nagging and complaining about how my brother and I were such 'disappointments' ... of course she never said we were disappointments, she said it indirectly and the effect was a whole lot worse.

I can't really describe the feeling of losing it, I suppose it's different with everyone.

I felt alone ... in despair ... choked up and drowning in a sea of sorrow ... falling into the depths of a chaotic void whilst the darkest and most evil voices whispered 'you've failed' in my ears over and over and over again ... that feeling multiplied by a million. Hmm ... I guess I can describe it (silly rabbit ...).

As my negative thoughts ate away at my mind, my body went on auto-pilot -- it choose the settings of the worst version of me. I relapsed to all my old and abusive behaviors ... and I felt like it was 2008 all over again. I was truly lost and dead inside ...

But God had not given up on me yet.

In March, my Dad gave 700 bones (as in $700) and so, on a whim, I went out and bought a Netbook and two copies of Anthony Robbins' bestsellers 'Unlimited Power' and 'Awaken the Giant'. From the moment I finished those two books, I knew exactly why my life had fallen apart and why it had been 'less than okay-ish' over the last 20 years or so ... I knew why I had lost it.

I'd been selfish and ungrateful to God for everything he'd given me in entire life and I deserved the punishment. I'd asked for greatness, fortune and fame ... but had no intention of paying the price for it all.

But I'd finally figured it out ... I'd finally discovered THE TRUE SECRET OF SUCCESS.

Do you want to know what that secret is? ... Sure, I'll tell you ... in the next post ;)